1. Are We Emotionally Honest And Vulnerable With Each Other:
Two people who cannot be emotionally open with with each other can never have true intimacy and love. When we share our feelings with another we connect and feel close to that person.
We tend to be afraid to share what we feel because expressing it makes us vulnerable; its dangerous. With the person you’re considering marrying you must be sure you feel safe.
2. Do We Take Care Of Each Other’s Need:
An important principle of marriage is: If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. Taking care of each other’s need is about wanting to give each other’s pleasure. People are naturally takers. It takes a great deal of effort to become a genuine giver.
Ask yourself “ Do I enjoy giving to this person or do I find it burdensome?” Giving builds love. Taking destroys it.
3. Do We Admire And Respect Each Other:
We need to respect and admire the person we marry. We respect a person’s good character, meaningful aspirations and goals he/she is committed to, and the good deeds he/she has done, not the way he or she looks.
Do you criticize or put each other down or talk with respect and dignity? Are you patient or impatient with each other? Do you make jokes about the other person in front of ther others and then try to cover it by saying “I was only joking”?
4. For The Man: Are You Ready To Take Responsibility For A Wife And Family?
If you’re not ready to be fully responsible, you’re not ready to get married. Marriage isn’t about getting his needs met. It’s about taking responsibility and bagin a giver.
The strongest need of a woman is to be cherished through attention, affection, and appreciation. Neglect destroys a woman’s spirit. Making your wife feel loved and cherished is a Torah obligation.
5. For The Woman: Do You Believe In Him?
Your man needs your respect and support. He needs you to believe in him. The cruelest thing a wife can do is nag her husband. If he’s good man and he’s trying hard, give him your love, not your list of demands. So before you commit your life to him, make sure you don’t have any hidden agenda or unexpressed epectations. Be upfront. And if you decide to be his wife, then be his friend as well. Don’t turn on him.
6. Do I Trust This Person Completely?
The Emotional foundation of love is trust. Without complete trust, you can’t build love. Are you there for me? Can I trust that you will provide a safe home for my feelings and needs? Can I be sure I can be vulnerable with you? Am I afraid you will abandon, reject or shame me?
A key way to build trust is by respecting and validating another person’s feelings. Listening to another person’s feeling is one of the greatest act of kindness we can perform. If you don’t trust each other with your feelings, think twice about getting married.
7. Do We Want The Same Things Out Of Life
In marriage, people either grow together or grow apart. Spiritual compatibility is one of the best ways to insure you’ll grow together. This means you are on the same page in term of your value, priorities and life goals. Don’t get married until you can answer this question: “What am I living for?” a soul mate is a goal mate.
For more wisdom on relationship, visit http://aish.com/marriage
May God Bless Nigeria, America And Israel And Take Care Of Us; May God Make His Face Shine Upon Us, And Be Gracious To Us; May The Lord Lift Up His Countenance Upon Us, And Give Us Peace, In Jesus Christ Name, We Pray! Amen!
May The Grace The Lord Jesus Christ, And The Love Of God, And The Fellowship Of The Holy Spirit Be With You All. Amen!